Saturday, August 20, 2011

Free to be Me


When we were young, Marlo Thomas sang to us about accepting each other and our differences. But then we got older and started singing a different tune. We stopped celebrating each other’s life choices and started qualifying them. Is acceptance really such a childish concept or did we have it right all along? When did we stop being free to be you and me?
A Woman's Right to Shoes is my favorite episode of Sex and the City. Pretty sure it always has been. It really has the best quotes and it completely fits how I feel most days. The above quote is from that episode and completely fits how I feel today. Today I went to a wedding of some friends from church. They are a sweet, adorable couple and make the cutest little family (along with her daughter). The ceremony was great and the reception was sweet. Overall it was a good wedding, as far as weddings go.

Let's talk a bit about weddings in general. For a long time I didn't want one, or a husband or any of that stuff. Then just before I turned eighteen and started college I went to a wedding for someone I actually really knew. We went to high school together, she was three years older than me and we'd known each other forever, her brother was my age and she and I danced together when we were little. Oh, I'd been to a couple of weddings for friends in my age group, but this was the first one where there wasn't a baby on the way. :) At any rate I fell in love with the wedding and all things that went with it. The couple was adorable (though looking back now I think they were nuts because they were so young) and the wedding was sweet.

Obsessed was an understatement. Clearly when I went to college I would meet Mr. Right, we would plan our fabulous wedding and the rest would be history.

That didn't happen.

However the summer of 14 weddings did happen. It might not have been 14, but it was close and it felt like 35. Literally everyone I hung out with in college my first couple of years was getting married. It was hard and because of it I started hanging out with other groups, but as the years went on they "coupled" too.

I figured that out of college Mr. Right would magically appear. Though I tried very hard to make any and all relationships turn into the fairytale ending they didn't. A word of advice, if you try to force a relationship to work then it will not work. Trust me, every relationship I have ever been in has been this way and not a one has worked.

So a few really bad relationships, one broken engagement and my thirtieth birthday have brought me to here. I went to a wedding today. At this wedding there was the classic bouquet toss, which I did NOT want to participate in. I have a great life, I love where it is going. I love that I have this crazy plan to move to NYC and take some me time before I run out and change the world. A relationship would ruin that right now and for the first time in my life I am not hunting, searching and begging for a relationship. And I mean that, not just saying it in a reverse psychology type of way. It's as if I hit thirty and my biological clock stopped and said "go have some fun."

So the bouquet toss is about to start and I'm thoroughly enjoying my seat at the back of the room, until the adorable bride sees me and has the DJ call me out. I mean they came and got me. So I go up there and my lovely friends start yelling to the bride that I'm on the right side.

I love my friends. I really love my friends, though what I'm about to write may not show that. This little diatribe frustrated the living crap out of me. I'm sorry that my life has not taken on the same story as yours. Actually that's not true. I'm not sorry at all. I love where my life is. I love what I'm working towards. I love that I have no one to answer to right now. I love that I can sleep in and don't get kept up all night with kids. I love that I don't have to ask if I can go out or go on a vacation. I love that I don't have to look for a babysitter.

I have no judgement against anyone that has chosen this particular lifestyle. That is great for them. I love them for it because when I need to get a baby fix I can call any of them. I respect their lifestyle. I just want them to respect mine. I am single, I am thirty, and I am happy about it. Now back when I was twenty-nine I was single and not happy about it. Something changed the day I turned thirty and I'm glad it did. I want to get married and have a baby, I think. However I do not want to do this any time soon.

All I want right now is for my friends to be okay with the fact that even though they are married and on child one, two or three, I'm not. I do not fit into your plan for life because there is a different plan for my life. There is nothing wrong with the way they choose to life their life and at the same time there is nothing wrong with the way I choose to live mine. I am tired of trying to fit into a life that was not meant for me. I'm tired of doing everything I can to be a part of everyone else's life while many times I sit and watch my own life pass me by.

From now on I am choosing to write the story of MY life and and trust me, it's going to be a good read...

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Favorite Places: Number 1


Central Park: The Imagine Mosaic at Strawberry Fields

By far my most favorite place in NYC if not the world. Imagine is my favorite word and the song by John Lennon is one of my favorite songs. I love everything that both stand for. I mean "imagine" it just fills you with a desire to go out and capture your dreams. And the song has such a fabulous message of peace.

The mosaic is a memorial to John Lennon in Central Park. It is near the Dakota where he lived and was killed.

I know exactly where this obsession came from. I was obsessed with Dawson's Creek in high school and early college. In one episode from season 3 Dawson takes down everything in his room and is trying to "find" himself. At the end Joey brings in a poster of John Lennon's self portrait and it says Imagine. The song plays as the episode ends.

Yup, I will own that one. That was when I was eighteen. I haven't really let up since then. I have "imagine" all over my house and my office.

My junior year of college MercyMe came out with I Can Only Imagine and that has all kinds of special meaning to me.

Overall, the Imagine Mosaic at Strawberry Fields is my favorite place in the world.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A Lot Can Change in a Month

That is the understatement of the century! One month ago right about now Becky and I were searching outside the BOK Center trying to find a ticket for me to the NKOTBSB concert. Who knew how that silly little show would change my life!

Okay it might sound crazy to say that a concert changed my life (though I'm not quite certain I'm playing with a full deck these days!). In the days that followed the concert I was sad because I felt like a piece of my childhood was slipping away and I might never see them again. That Thursday we devised a plan to drive to Orlando (only 20 hours) to see them (really wish we'd pulled that one off). Well it didn't happen. However, something changed that night and I started to go off the deep end. We had started following "the boys" on Twitter that week (I know I'm a crappy fan) and they all radiate positivity, which was something my life desperately needed. From the positivity came a lot of changes in my life and in my attitude and in just about everything.

The next week I took off a few days because we were going to try to make the concert in Indy (yeah that didn't happen either). I think I thought that I had this big birthday coming up and I just HAD to get one last adventure in before I turned 30.

To say that I became a Twitter addict (more than before) after all of this is an understatement. What I realized is that so much was happening in NYC and I wanted to be a part of it (not the first time in my life I've felt this way). There was this show going on here and that video premier going on there. I just kept wanting to be in NYC more than I wanted to be where I was. I've had the tendency to use NYC as a place to run away to, which I'm still concerned about, but I don't think that's it.

The night before I turned 30 I started evaluating all the things that I did and didn't do in my twenties and NYC was the one that just kept sticking out. I am amazed at how much support I am getting on this little adventure I'm planning (either they really want me to follow my dreams, they want a couch to crash on, or they want to get rid of me!).

As far as other ways the last month has changed. I am on day 27 of a new fitness regimen that involves me working out before work (CRAZY, I used to get up about 10 minutes before work: 5 to get dressed 5 to drive to work), counting calories (not a first) and working out before bed, and the crazy part: enjoying it. Whether I pull of NYC or not this seems to be sticking and I'm hoping to attain some goals by the time I graduate in May.

Some other highlights of the month: I totally changed what I am going to do for my Masters internship and feel a lot better about it, I started looking at apartments and jobs in NYC and think I might be able to pull this off, and I put in my candidacy forms for graduation this week. I also had a major car issue the day after all this positive thinking, healthy lifestyle started and I managed to keep 100% focused and got my car fixed without having to rely on my parents at all. Another major thing that has changed: my biological clock has stopped. I spent most, if not all, of my twenties ready to get married so I could have a baby. Yeah, not so much any more. Those are still things I want, but I want them later. I have this amazing opportunity to chase a dream I've had almost as long as I can remember and I don't want anything to get in the way of that.

Things seem to be going in the exact right direction. My mind is clearer than it has been in a long time. I feel like I am doing the right thing and I am happy about it (terrified to tell a couple of people though!). I am really happy with exactly where I am in my life and I'm not wanting what others have. I feel like I'm the lucky one that gets to go after her dreams while a lot of friends are stuck at home with husbands and kids. I have always known this was going to be a good year and it is shaping up as just that!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Favorite Places: Number 2


Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street: The New York Public Library

Located next to Bryant Park the New York Public Library is a very close second. I love libraries. My favorite place at my college is this fabulous reading room at the library. I love how quiet and peaceful they are. I love all the books. What's funny is that I never check books out. I mean never. I am a book buyer. I have a library at my house actually.

The New York Public Library is also a gorgeous building and is pretty easy to get lost in. It would be an ideal place to study or write. It also should be mentioned that I want to write a book (hence the blogging constantly) so the Library is perfect. If I am ever published and am lucky enough to have a book that is on the shelves of that beautiful building you better believe there will be a picture of me cheesing it.

I have to mention, of course, that I might love this place a little bit because it's where Carrie's wedding was to take place in Sex and the City: The Movie:
Big and I would be married
in the classic New York landmark...
...that housed all the great love stories.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Favorite Places: Number 3


727 Fifth Avenue: Tiffany and Company

No list of favorite places in NYC would be complete without Tiffany and Company. This is an obsession that I cannot even come close to knowing why I started. I know it happened at some point before I went to NYC the first time, when I was eighteen, but no clue. If I was betting it would be when I decided I was obsessed with weddings and thus engagement rings. Can you really go wrong with that fabulous robin's egg blue box? (Correct answer: NO!)

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Favorite Places: Number 4


Broadway

There is little doubt that Broadway plays a huge part as to my reason for loving New York. I grew up doing theatre and have always loved it. I have been a member of my hometown's little theater for 19 years (not to shabby since I'm only 30!). I love live theater, whether it is local or a tour, amateur or professional, high school or college. I love the theater. Broadway is the epicenter of this.

Last Christmas when I was in NYC I was able to go backstage of Promises, Promises and meet up with a close friend's sister, who was in the show. I was in heaven. I would never want to work a show professionally, but it is a hobby and passion that I will always love, whether it is in working the show or just watching.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Favorite Places: Number 5

225 East 60th Street: Serendipity 3

Home of the Frrrrrrrozen Hot Chocolate. I knew I loved this place long before I ever set foot in it. You probably think that I fell for this one because of the movie Serendipity, which would be a great guess since it is my favorite movie, but alas you would be wrong. It was actually featured in One Fine Day years before. Don't get me wrong, Serendipity sealed the deal (especially since I saw it at least three times in theaters including a special preview at my college). It is just the most eclectic neat little place with a really long wait, but boy is it worth it. We missed it the last time we were in NYC, stupid blizzard, but I know I will visit often if I get to move there!