A Woman's Right to Shoes is my favorite episode of Sex and the City. Pretty sure it always has been. It really has the best quotes and it completely fits how I feel most days. The above quote is from that episode and completely fits how I feel today. Today I went to a wedding of some friends from church. They are a sweet, adorable couple and make the cutest little family (along with her daughter). The ceremony was great and the reception was sweet. Overall it was a good wedding, as far as weddings go.
Let's talk a bit about weddings in general. For a long time I didn't want one, or a husband or any of that stuff. Then just before I turned eighteen and started college I went to a wedding for someone I actually really knew. We went to high school together, she was three years older than me and we'd known each other forever, her brother was my age and she and I danced together when we were little. Oh, I'd been to a couple of weddings for friends in my age group, but this was the first one where there wasn't a baby on the way. :) At any rate I fell in love with the wedding and all things that went with it. The couple was adorable (though looking back now I think they were nuts because they were so young) and the wedding was sweet.
Obsessed was an understatement. Clearly when I went to college I would meet Mr. Right, we would plan our fabulous wedding and the rest would be history.
That didn't happen.
However the summer of 14 weddings did happen. It might not have been 14, but it was close and it felt like 35. Literally everyone I hung out with in college my first couple of years was getting married. It was hard and because of it I started hanging out with other groups, but as the years went on they "coupled" too.
I figured that out of college Mr. Right would magically appear. Though I tried very hard to make any and all relationships turn into the fairytale ending they didn't. A word of advice, if you try to force a relationship to work then it will not work. Trust me, every relationship I have ever been in has been this way and not a one has worked.
So a few really bad relationships, one broken engagement and my thirtieth birthday have brought me to here. I went to a wedding today. At this wedding there was the classic bouquet toss, which I did NOT want to participate in. I have a great life, I love where it is going. I love that I have this crazy plan to move to NYC and take some me time before I run out and change the world. A relationship would ruin that right now and for the first time in my life I am not hunting, searching and begging for a relationship. And I mean that, not just saying it in a reverse psychology type of way. It's as if I hit thirty and my biological clock stopped and said "go have some fun."
So the bouquet toss is about to start and I'm thoroughly enjoying my seat at the back of the room, until the adorable bride sees me and has the DJ call me out. I mean they came and got me. So I go up there and my lovely friends start yelling to the bride that I'm on the right side.
I love my friends. I really love my friends, though what I'm about to write may not show that. This little diatribe frustrated the living crap out of me. I'm sorry that my life has not taken on the same story as yours. Actually that's not true. I'm not sorry at all. I love where my life is. I love what I'm working towards. I love that I have no one to answer to right now. I love that I can sleep in and don't get kept up all night with kids. I love that I don't have to ask if I can go out or go on a vacation. I love that I don't have to look for a babysitter.
I have no judgement against anyone that has chosen this particular lifestyle. That is great for them. I love them for it because when I need to get a baby fix I can call any of them. I respect their lifestyle. I just want them to respect mine. I am single, I am thirty, and I am happy about it. Now back when I was twenty-nine I was single and not happy about it. Something changed the day I turned thirty and I'm glad it did. I want to get married and have a baby, I think. However I do not want to do this any time soon.
All I want right now is for my friends to be okay with the fact that even though they are married and on child one, two or three, I'm not. I do not fit into your plan for life because there is a different plan for my life. There is nothing wrong with the way they choose to life their life and at the same time there is nothing wrong with the way I choose to live mine. I am tired of trying to fit into a life that was not meant for me. I'm tired of doing everything I can to be a part of everyone else's life while many times I sit and watch my own life pass me by.
From now on I am choosing to write the story of MY life and and trust me, it's going to be a good read...
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